Bochur in Need

$3,616 of $97,000 raised

raised by 33 people in 3 months

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How can a serious yeshivah bochur be an addict?

עברית בהמשך

Chaim grew up in a typical frum family. Dad learned in kollel for a few years before entering the workforce. Mom supported them until the family’s needs grew, then she stayed home with the kids.

Chaim was always a sensitive, fearful boy. What no one realized was that Chaim wasn’t just born that way; he’d been molested repeatedly at a very young age – so young, in fact, that he couldn’t even make sense of what had happened, nor did he have the words to share his experiences with anyone. He grew up with tremendous shame, fear, and a burning need to escape those feelings.

So while he continued as a top yeshivah student, he also discovered alcohol, marijuana, and other ways to ease his never-ending anguish. He stayed in learning, sure that his dedication to Torah would take away his need to use. While immersed in learning, he did feel a certain level of satisfaction and connection. But as soon as he closed his sefer, the black thoughts, the self-hatred, the emptiness would take over. The only thing that eased his turmoil was, once again, his soul-destroying escapes. As many times as he tried to stop, as many times as he promised himself that this was the last time, he found himself doing the same things that would cause him to hate himself. And hating himself pushed him to use more. He was – is – stuck in a never-ending cycle.

Despite his fear of getting sober and having to deal with his feelings and his past, Chaim realized that he wanted more than anything to live a normal, healthy, Jewish life. He also realized that he couldn’t do it without serious outside help.

He went to 12 step groups. They helped, but it wasn’t enough. He started therapy. This also helped, but again, not enough. His therapist immersed him in more private therapy, plus therapeutic groups and even more 12 step groups. Everything helped, to a degree, but it never went deep enough.

Finally, his therapist realized that Chaim’s only hope was a certain rehab that dealt with his specific issue and his specific traumas. Putting his pride aside, Chaim called up everyone he knew and asked them to help him pay for this rehab. Some people chipped in. But most people heard the word “addict” and quickly turned him away. After all, isn’t it his fault? Didn’t he choose to start using marijuana, alcohol, and other things?

Doors were slammed, phones put down, emails went unanswered. According to his therapist and the rabbanim that were consulted, Chaim has tremendous potential to get clean and stay clean – but only if he gets the help he needs.

Please help Chaim. He is a victim who doesn’t want to stay a victim. He wants to be healthy and get a fresh start.

Please give generously, and may you never have to save another Chaim.

האם בחור ישיבה רציני והתמכרות יכולים לדור באדם אחד??

חיים גדל במשפחה טיפוסית. עם אב שלמד מספר שנים בכולל בטרם הצטרף לכוח העבודה.
ועם אמא התומכת בהם, עד שצרכי המשפחה גדלו, והצריכו אותה להישאר בבית עם הילדים.

מאז ומתמיד היה חיים ילד רגיש ומפוחד. אלא שאיש לא ידע שחיים לא נולד כך.
כבר מגיל צעיר היו עולבים בו ומקניטים אותו. הדבר החל מגיל כה צעיר, עד כי אף חיים לא הבין את שעובר עליו. גם מילים מתאימות לא היו ברשותו, על-מנת לחלוק את חוויותיו אלה עם איש.
וכך גדל הוא עם תחושות בושה ופחד עזים ועם צורך עצום להימלט מהרגשות אלה.

וכך בעודו מתקדם כתלמיד ישיבה מצטיין, התוודע חיים אל האלכוהול, המריחואנה ואל דרכים נוספות, שהפכו עבורו למזור מעט ושימשו עבורו כאמצעים להקלת מה בייסוריו הבלתי פוסקים.
הוא התמיד בלימודיו, משוכנע שמסירותו ללימוד התורה, תייתר את הצורך שלו ל"השתמש" באותם אמצעים.
ואכן, בהיותו שקוע בלימוד, חש רמת שביעות רצון וקשר מסוימים. אולם ברגע שסגר את הספר, השתלטו עליו המחשבות השחורות, מלוות בשנאה עצמית, ותחושת ריקנות.
וכך מצא את עצמו שוב, נמלט לחיק "מהרסי-נפשו", שהיו ליחידים שהרגיעו אז את קלחת ומהומת נפשו.

פעמים אין-ספור ניסה לעצור. פעמים רבות הבטיח לעצמו שזו לו הפעם האחרונה.
אך שוב מצא הוא את עצמו עושה את אותם הדברים, שגורמים לו לשנוא כל-כך את עצמו.
ושוב הייתה זו השנאה העצמית שדחפה אותו לשוב ולחזור "להשתמש".
וכך נקלע חיים למחזור אכזר שאינו נגמר.

חרף חששו להתפכח ולהתעסק ברגשותיו ובעברו, הבין חיים שיותר מכל, רוצה הוא לחיות חיים בריאים ונורמליים, חיים יהודיים. הוא גם הבין שלא יוכל לעשות זאת ללא עזרה חיצונית רצינית.

הוא השתתף בקבוצות "12- הצעדים". הדבר סייע לו - אך לא במידה מספקת.
גם הטיפול שהחל בו עזר. אך שוב, לא באופן מספיק.
חיים לא וויתר והלך לטיפולים פרטיים, השתתף במפגשי קבוצות טיפוליות וכן קבוצות נוספות של "12- הצעדים".
כל אלה עזרו – אולם רק במידה מסוימת, ולא חדרו עמוק מספיק.

בשלב זה, הגיע המטפל שלו למסקנה כי תקוותו היחידה של חיים, הינה גמילה בשיטה מאוד מסוימת העוסקת בסוגיה הספציפית שלו ובטראומות הספציפיות שלו.
חיים הניח בצד את גאוותו, ויצא בקריאה לכל מי שהכיר, וביקש עזרתם במימון תהליך הגמילה המסוים הנדרש.
היו אנשים שגילו רצון טוב ותמכו כיכולתם.
מאידך רוב האנשים בשומעם את המילה "מכור", דחו פניו ריקם ולא שהו לפנייתו.
אחרי הכל:
- "הרי זו אשמתו !",
- "הלוא היה זה הוא, שבחר להשתמש במריחואנה, באלכוהול ובדברים אחרים"

דלתות וטלפונים נטרקו בפניו, הודעות אי-מייל לא נענו.

לדברי המטפל שלו והרבנים איתם התייעצו , לחיים יש פוטנציאל אדיר להתנקות ולהישאר נקי
אך זאת, רק אם יקבל את הוא העזרה הדרושה לו.

אנחנו יוצאים בבקשת עזרה לחיים.
חיים היה לקורבן מצעירותו ושלא מבחירה.
חיים רוצה בכל מאודו לחדול מלהיות קורבן.
הוא משתוקק להיות בריא ולקבל ההזדמנות להתחלה חדשה.

בנדיבותך, אנא עזור(י) לחיים לזכות בחייו בחזרה – והצלת חיים!

 

;

;
$3,616 of $97,000 raised

raised by 33 people in 3 months

Created by

Shoshana Schwartz
August 2018

Contact this campaign

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Donations

Rifka Jakobowits donated

2 months ago $220.00
In honor of Shoshanna Schwartz

Anonymous donated

2 months ago ₪180.00
In memory of יחיאל מיכאל בן שמואל הירש

Jason Hartlove donated

2 months ago $300.00
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